how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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