Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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