I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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