Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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