he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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