just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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