nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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