It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am midnight drunk by noon
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My life is pants optional.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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