Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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