How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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