just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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