I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize