in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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