i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize