i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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