I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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