i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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