i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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