I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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