this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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