this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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