i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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