Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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