my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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