I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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