One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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