my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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