I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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