Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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