Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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