I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
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