remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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