I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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