I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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