Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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