All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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