Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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