The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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