One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize