I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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