there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize