Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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