Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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