we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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