Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
pray to the hookup gods
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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