i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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