If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish I only lived at night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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