just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
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She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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