Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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