god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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